introduction

• name: uses the collective names
• nicknames: host, error, static, dead air
• pronouns: uses the collective pronouns (he/him and it/its)
• gender: collective gender identity (binary-ish trans guy)
• orientation: collective orientation (achillean oriented aro-ace)
• likes, interests, hobbies, etc.: contains all and none of the likes, interests, hobbies, etc. that the members have
• specific favorites (books, music, shows, etc.): contains all and none of the specific favorites that the members have
• appearance, vibes, style, etc.: contains all and none of the appearance, vibes, style, etc. that the members have
• holding/embodying/in system responsibilities: collective values and rules; acting as filter and front; solving in-system problems and conflicts
• "role"/focus/resposibilities in everyday life: presenting as one person, keeping everything going
• anything else: is the face and voice of this whole operation and who people think we are / i am, which is wrong and correct at the same time.

21.12.25

we started reading "written on the body - letters from trans and non-binary survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence" and some of us are sure feeling something about it.

19.12.25: re: moving the website somewhere else maybe

well, i did it. it's still a work in progress tho, partly because i'm trying to "hide" it at least a bit. creating easter eggs and small hidden things is very fun and it might add some (probably imaginary) additional privacy.

it might've been a bad idea to include this here. it's more convenient, sure, but also more vulnerable than basically everything else.

moving this website somewhere else maybe

i'm currently thinking about moving this site somewhere else, mainly to integrate it into our main website. which is scary, but having this site seperate isn't really working? i keep forgetting about it and having to log in and out is a higher barrier than i thought it would be.

07.12.25:

it's been a while (we say that a lot). we kinda forgot about this website plus we've been more busy and fatigued than usual and that heavily influences our emotional / cognitive / mental / etc. capacities.

it's not that we aren't a system when we're fatigued, but at least for us, most members have certain energy requirements to be present if that makes sense? like, emotions, feelings and such takes energy and caues exhaustion - even positive ones. so if we're more exhausted, we are less able to feel them and we are generally avoidant of situations that could cause them because of pem (post-exertional malaise).

we found out (or re-found out?) that there definitely is a scale: (1 is the lowest and 5 the highest energy requirement)

1. vale
2. viktor, silas
3. kepler, nicholas
4. robin, angel
5. flint

(for kepler the biggest thing is the absence of brain fog / ability to think clearly and concentrate.)

currently we're apparently on 0-2? and i think we've been there for a while. which could (partly) explain, why our last university major didn't work out. kepler was mostly responsible for handling that stuff but if we rarely have the energy capacities to sustain him it would make sense why it got more and more difficult. for our current major viktor is the main one and he is more sustainable at the moment? interesting.

also, not every member seems to have (or identifies with having? or is coexistant with having? no idea how to formulate or conceptualize this) me/cfs and pots. vale, viktor and silas do and they are the most comfortable with being visibly disabled (like using mobility aids). everyone else seems to have a more complicated relationship with it.

25.09.25: latest round of the same feelings

so yeah, we currently have the familair thoughts / worries of denial, questioning, invalidation and insecurity. it's not as dramatic as it sounds. at this point it's kinda fascinating how long / often we can go through the same motions if that makes sense?

here are some examples and our current answers or attitude towards them:

• are we a system? --> yeah. which isn't new, but we've grown more comfortable describing / thinking of ourself as a system the last weeks.
• are we plural? --> i guess so, but for some reason we don't like the term "plural" for us at the moment. which is not normally the case, and i don't know what changed, but it's probably temporary. and it's not that we disagree / think we aren't plural, just the vibes seem to be off.
• are we median? --> definitely. this is also something where our opinion fluctuates on. currently we are on the "inherently median" side of the self-assessment, a while ago it was more "kinda, but leaning towards multiple".
• do we have trauma? --> probably? we noticed a (previously unknown) trigger a few days ago when we were confronted with it, and it wasn't great. we don't get triggered often in our everyday life (or if we do it's not intense enough to register in a meaningful way), so it's always a bit baffling whenever we do encounter something. anyways, that reminded us that we might in fact, be traumatized by some things.
• do we have c-ptsd? --> we don't have a definitive answer or opinion on that, but we are currently very interested in finding out. which isn't always the case. often we don't really care, but right now we care a lot.

14.09.25: venn diagram and modularity

kinda stereotypical i suppose, but i thought a venn diagram might be a good visualization.

[image source]

• the universal set (which isn't denoted in the drawing) contains all points (particles) that we have / are. that is "us".
• the sets (here labeled A, B, C, D and E) are the base members and contain the particles associated with them
• intersections of up to four sets (AB, ADE, BCDE, etc.) are the blur(red member)s

i am the intersection between A, B, C, D and E (ABCDE), but also have the information of what is in the universal set.

i guess a further detail could be that the sum of all the particles in the universal set is 1 because (and i'm only talking for me / us, a lot of other systems don't feel that way) we are all parts of one person.

getting away from the more math-ish things, i think for us the boundaries (lines of the circles) are blurry and porous. particles float around and can move in and out of sets.

which is where it connects to modularity / being modular.

i already used the word particles to describe the elements of the universal set. they are the smallest parts (singular experiences, interests, etc.). we probably gain and lose particles from time to time, but currently it seems rather consistent.

the base members (sets A, B, C, D, E in the venn diagram) are analogous to flareframes inside a nebula.

nebulas are modular clusters of particles. [...] These clusters tend to have a certain overarching theme, function, or trauma that distinguishes them from the wider system. [...] It's purely the 'nebulous' grouping of the different particles that share an overarching topic or function.

when they are not present, they still exist in a vague and abstract sense (as far as i know; maybe they hang out in a headspace that i'm not aware of), just not currently "active" / "activated" if that makes sense? but still there. in standby. like antennas that aren't broadcasting.

flareframes can be conceptualized as a 'pattern' of similar flares, seen in modular systems. [...] And although the flares that fill the frame may be different each time, there remains some form of consistency. for our system the consistency seems to be pretty high.

so all members are flareframes, but only base members are (additionally) a nebula. active or present members are flares.

---

i have no idea if this is coherent or understandable and i don't know any way to test that without sending it to someone. which i don't want to do because i don't talk about plurality much with people.

oh well. also i'm trying to not get too wrapped up in specific labels or terms (which may sound weird seeing as i've just wrote a couple of paragraphs about it) and use them as a starting point instead of a fixed thing or box.

like, they are supposed to be helpful and help in the exploration and explanation, instead of something to feel stuck in or beholden to. at least we have to be careful about this, because all of us tend towards all-or-nothing thinking, even if the degrees vary.

11.09.25: silas

added a section for silas. while he's pretty new, he has been pretty present the last few days. i'm not sure if he will be consistent or which status of blur he'll settle into, but giving him some space doesn't hurt anyone. well, apart from making nicholas uncomfortable and us overall / me self-conscious, but that is the norm.

08.09.25: two current "conflicts" / developments

it's currently a weird time for us. there isn't a lot of communication or times of longer co-consciousness, so i didn't expect anything to "stir" or come to the surface. i guess we did create this website but i don't remember why exactly? there was probably a reason. (also we are still figuring out how to talk about us, which words feel the best and so on.)

1. new members: we recently identified two blended members and for some of us this feels overwhelming or "too much to be real". in general we are mostly comfortable / confident in being plural in some way (in private at least. we aren't open about it - feels too vulnerable and instable), but there is still a lot of doubt and insecurity that come up whenever "something out of the ordinary" happens. identifying two "new" members in a short period of time falls under that, so now there is even more internal invalidation than usual.
2. spirituality: vale has been interested in / felt drawn to spirituality, paganism and hellenism. which is fine, but their wishes and impulses conflict heavily with our collective sense of self/selves. overall, we consider ourselves very un-spiritual and un-religious, but as with most things the itensities vary: kepler is very dismissive of anything "irrational", flint heavily dislikes religion due to how the concept of religion is often used as justification for horrible things and nicholas gets anxious about being considered weird or insensitive. all of which makes it hard to accommodate vale.