previous: issue 12.

when in doubt, bullet points

• UNIVERSITY: i decided to write my exams in the second phase, so instead of this month, they'l be in april (i think). i really hope i'll regain a bit more energy and mantal capacities because right now it's not enough for studying much.
• GDB: ("grad der behiderung" / "degree of disability") not a lot of updates. i got a letter saying that they received my documents, but nothing more. the processing takes 130 days on average, so it's gonna be a while.
  • oh, regarding the icd codes, my psychiatrist did unfortunately code my autism as "F84.5 - asperger syndrome". i asked about it and tried to explain why i don't want that (and why the label is bullshit in general), but it didn't work. apparently they still have to use the icd-10, even tho the icd-11 exists for years now. i don't really understand why it's not being used (yet?), so i might read up on that.
• MRT: i have another MRT later this month. it's just a check-up thing because there was a small spot in my last one¹, bit it's probably just machine error, so it feels kinda useless. but if it's not a glitch, it would be good to know. not looking forward to it either way, especially because it's a hassle to deal with my piercings.
• DUGEON CRAWLER CARL: i finished the seventh audiobook. still pretty fun and entertaining (and i'm qute impressed by the narrator and the many, many voices he does)! now i have to wait for the eight book, so i'll have to find something else to listen to for hours on end.
• ARTS AND CRAFTS: i started making collage bookmarks. not sure why - i don't even use them myself (i use sticky note tab thingies). maybe i'll scan a few and put them up here.
• PYTHON: having a surprising amount of fun learning python basics for university. i really want to learn more, but i already have way too many projects.
• SLEEP: not sleeping well for the last weeks or so.

allodynia

typing with gloves is hard. don't like it. but because my skin is currently pretending to be purely made out of nerves and touching the keyboard is uncomfortable bordering on painful, this is the best solution i could come up with. well, until pressure and weight also become painful, but right now i'm only at the "touching things that are too cold and especially metal is evil"-stage.

i think this might be allodynia - (if i understand it corecctly) a type of nerve pain that is caused by the central nervous system interpreting normally non-painful stimuli as painful. for me, it normally starts with thermal (temperature), sometimes progresses to tactile (touch) and it can affect everything from small random patches of skin to my entire body.

the small random patches are very common for me. its not an everyday occurance but a few times times a week i will discover a temporary, locally distinct area of skin that is hypersensitive. they rarely last longer than one or two days and are most often on my arms, legs or the sides of my torso. full body is (fortunately) rarer and i basically only get that in crashes or periods of stronger fatigue / exhaustion.

i am not sure what causes it. apparently allodynia is associated with a few other conditions, for example fibromyalgia, migraines and neuropathies. generally i don't think i have any of those, because my levels of pain don't seem significant enough.

got through my mrt all right. don't have the results yet, but judging by the non-reaction of the people making it, everything is probably fine. we'll see. it's very unlikely, but it would be weird if it turns out i have multiple sclerosis and not me/cfs after all.

paper crafts and collages

finally added some of my recent collages! i'm kinda hyperfixated on paper crafts at the moment and spend hours cutting, sorting and glueing paper into different shapes and sizes.

a friend (and flatmate) inspired me to try some new stuff, and it ended with me having hundreds of 2.5cm*2.5cm squares and irregular strips of junk/scrap paper, that i am now trying to use in various ways. i like it, it's very calming and meditative and in comparison to my usual approach to collages, much less exhausting.

they are nice on their own, but i think i'll use them as material for something else. no idea what tho. but making them is fun, so i'll keep doing that.

FOOTNOTES

¹this makes it sound like i had a lot of mrts. i didn't. this is just my second one.

next: issue 14.