thoughts and things written into the void
previous: issue 10.
cool image and image spoilers
i really like this picture i took a few weeks ago. a friend and i were hanging out when we saw it and now we're both thinking about getting that motif tattooed, but from different artists and in different styles.
because it's a bit graphic, i implemented a spoiler, which is good to know how to do in general. in fake insta it doesn't have one tho.
i added some more pictures to the fake instagram thingy in general. not many because i apparently didn't take and/or see a lot.
reading and writing
i don't know why this is, but i keep thinking "oh, i really want to write more" and "oh, i really want to read more" and i honestly mean it, but then i don't do it. what's up with that?
(i did actually read a bit the last couple of days because a friend visited me and we just spent an evening reading our new books respectively, which was really nice. i bought and started "lucky day" by chuck tingle and it's great so far. anyways. with my friend there it was easier to sit down and just read, but it's difficult if it's just me. which is weird to me considering that reading is a solitary activity and normally i get distracted by my surroundings.)
in university today we had a writing exercise, which was kinda fun. for 10 minutes we were just supposed to write whatever came to mind. no censoring, no correcting, no stopping. it was just for us and we didn't have to share or turn it in or anything, it was just to get us to start writing. maybe i should try something like that for myself, because whatever i'm currently doing (sitting around, waiting for inspiration, motivation and energy to coincide) isn't working.
had a nice afternoon / evening making a bonfire with friends and roasting stick bread ("stockbrot"). i like fire, i like my friends and i like stockbrot, so i'm pretty content.
bullet points
- i sent off my paperwork to apply for a degree of disabilty ("gdb - grad der behinderung" in german - basically an official quantification of disability on a scale from 0 to 100). i'm trying not to expect too much, or anything, really. based on what i hear from the people in my surroundings, the process (and results) are unreliable, to formulate it nicely. (if i wasn't, i'd call it "systematically discriminatory, medically neglectful and potentially lethal".) but i'm trying to be pragmatic, so even if it's deeply flawed, it's still something that might be useful and there is no real alternative as far as i know.
- i updated / restructured the book list a bit and crossed off some things from my to-do list.
- this year is the first time i'm not spending with my family - a choice i made for my health and i'm quite happy with. but i still feel guilty and bad about it? so to remind myself i unearthed for a text i wrote the last time i visited family: performen/verformen. it's in german (which i don't normally write in) and about how difficult that visit was for me, mainly focused on my chronic illnesses and the lack of understanding and support.