previous: issue 15.

bullet points but in paragraphs, mostly

absence: i feel kinda bad for not updating this website for almost a month, but that's ok. it's not an obligation and while i do try to keep up with this projects and it's somewhat of a goal, i don't want it to be stressful. so there will be absences and times of little to no updates.

surgery is coming up! in four days to be exact. i've been trying to plan, pack and prepare but i don't feel quite ready i guess? which is a new experience for me when it comes to gender-affirming surgeries. i was very chill before my top surgery and hysto, but this time i'm more nervous. maybe for health reasons, maybe because it's considered a bigger surgery than the previous ones, maybe because i don't know what to expect. i know the procedure of course and did my research, but it's still a lot more individual if that makes sense. oh well.

i bought a used wheelchair. it was out of impulse (i was browsing ebay/kleinanzeigen and it was offered for 60-ish bucks from someone in my neighborhood) and for a while i felt kinda weird about it, but now i'm glad i bought it.

• sidenote to that - i realized something about myself and i'm curious how it is for others: i don't like new stuff. they feel out of place and foreign and weirdly intimidating in a way. so to make the thing usable i kinda have to "assimilate" it into the rest, for example by covering it with stickers. they have to look and feel like mine for me to be comfortable with them.
• for example: my notebook covers have stickers on them, i add bookmarks (those string ones, like in hardcovers) and put beads on the ends. in theory i prefer minimalist, clean-looking notebooks (maybe because i get visually overwhelmed very easily, but i also like how storage-/archiveable they are. like leuchtturm notebooks. seeing a full shelf of neatly arranged leuchtturm notebooks in a stationary store makes me very happy for some reason.) but i struggle to use them.

the exams went okay btw. passed both and i'm fine with the grades - not overjoyed (i'm still somewhat ambitious and perfectionistic when it comes to that) but also not unhappy. so yay!

university: new semester started and while one module is unfortunately not as interesting as it could be (i think i just don't vibe with the lecture and communication style of the prof) it's overall pretty cool.

i made a new list of library and information science websites. mostly open access stuff, databases and things i think might be interesting to people regardless of whether or not they study lis.

what else has been going on?

• i'm playing balatro. pretty fun, i've unlocked all decks and all jokers and am now trying to beat every stake with every deck.
• still into paper crafts. i have so many bookmarks at this point (easily over 20) and quite a few post cards.

metoidioplasty: second day post surgery

i was finally allowed/able to get up and grab my laptop, so now i can report live from the hospital.

i had surgery the day before yesterday and today is the first day i'm feeling more like a human. as far as i know everything went well and is healing like it's supposed to, but as always i'm in more pain than expexted (and/or the pain medication works worse than normal) so the first two days were just a lot of pain until they upped my meds. now it's pretty ok.

i don't want to go into details, but this is by far the roughest of the surgeries i had. which makes sense - there is a lot going on. i really hope this is the last surgery, and that i don't need corrections or something like that, but there is no way of knowing and i'm trying not to dwell on that. for now it's just resting, ignoring the pain and combating the boredom.