metoidioplasty complication and recovery so far

i have been updating the meta blog page thingy, but i thought a general update would be good.

the last 5 days i have been going to a hospital because i have some wound seperation but more importantly i also had necrosis (to be more exact part of the new urethra just straight up died, so now there is a 4 cm long gap). where stitches were supposed to be, i just had a cave of dead and dying tissue. absolutely disgusting, painful stuff. fortunately the daily treatment has really helped, so i no longer have necrotic patches, which is a relief.

bad news are that 1) it'll probably take 3 months for everything to be healed enough to remove my suprapubic catheter, 2) i'll need at least one revision surgery, 3) but that's gonna take 3 additional months of healing beforehand and 4) for that (hopefully just) one they'll need to use a rectangle of skin (not as much as for phallo, but one doctor said that i should expect at least 4 cm * 6 cm).

so everything is going to take significantly longer and be more invasive than anticipated. if i do the revision surgery as soon as possible, that'll add around 3 more months of healing (if everything goes well), so i will be busy with this for at least 9 months. currently it takes up basically all of my energy and i can't do much else. hopefully that'll change.

i still have to figure out what to do about university and work. right now i'm unable to do either and while i'm out sick from work for now, i should really take care of uni. i might have to take a sick-semester, even tho i don't want to.

subnautica 2

i finished the early access of subnautica 2 and it's so cool! i love the setting, the environment looks stunning and i'm just having a lot of fun. the base-building is much better than in 1 or below zero in my opinion. my only critique so far is that there is no aquarium and no transparent ceiling (yet, maybe they'll add it in the future).

wheelchair

in preparation for the surgery i bought a wheelchair second-hand and i've been using it quite a lot. every outing that is further away than one block or takes longer than 15 minutes, i take my wheelchair. outside i'm mostly using it as a walker (i don't have the arm-strength to propell myself over pavement) and a chair (i have two specific cusions on it and the foot thingies are in the optimal angle just to allow me to sit without too much pain), but inside of buildings like hospitals or grocery stores it works surprisingly well and holy shit, it's so much less exhausting!

sometimes i only notice the difference between things and apparently shopping is more taxing / exhausting than i thought. it makes sense i guess - i do have pots and there is a lot of standing and waiting involved - but i only realized recently how much that affects me. being able to sit down while doing stuff is amazing! less stress, less shaking, less brain fog, less nausea, less light-headedness (and probably less pain, but that's hard to judge right now because i have more pain than usual due to obvious reasons but also take more pain meds, so it's hard to compare).

i guess i'm surprised by how excited i am and how strongly i feel about this. so i'm currently composing an email to one of my doctors to ask if i could officially get one and what that process would be. i don't know if anything will come from that, but i want to try.

art projects

i'm not writing as much as i would like to, but i'm doing paper crafts:

• small junk journals with playing cards as covers and pages made of scrap and left-over paper
• small collages, also on playing cards
• (i'm using a lot of playing cards currently - the format is very fun)
• something inspired by jerry's map (jerry mapping)

maybe i should try scanning some stuff and adding it here, but scanning feels exhausting right now.